I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize