I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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