Where is the hickey?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
