I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
