quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
