I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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