Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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