i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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