I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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