i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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