walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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