I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My balls are so social today.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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