What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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