Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
