Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
