I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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