as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize