if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
