After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
