I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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