fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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