Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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