Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
