Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
