I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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