I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
