Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
