He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
