Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
