I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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