did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so that wasnt chicken after all
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
