The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
