I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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