The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
