Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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