guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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