My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I want to be your penis for a week.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Randomize
