Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
