I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
