New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize