if only i could text you this smell
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Can I color on your dick again?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
