my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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