i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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