the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
