Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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