YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
