I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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