there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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