I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize