Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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