he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
