and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
