Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
