so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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