How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
