This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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