How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize