The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
