Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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