Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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