The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
