Rock
Scissors
Fuck
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
