She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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