I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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