She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
