K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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